Death 12-3-1987

Here's a poem that I wrote a mere 21 years ago. Part I Will Never Love Again but mostly Life Sucks and I Want To Die.
Three things that strike me when I read it again:
1. The poem goes on and on and on.
2. I have no idea who the boy in the poem was.
3. No wonder everyone thought I was going to commit suicide! (For the record, I'm still here.)

Death 12-3-1987

Nowhere to go
Nothing to do
Failing in all efforts
Trying not to give up
Losing all faith
Hating all life
Wanting to go
But needing to live
Longing to hold him
But he's gone
Where can I find him?
Is there an answer somewhere?
Is death an answer?
Will he save me just for an instant?
Just to be with him before I go
Nowhere to run
No one to help me
All alone
No longer coping
Death
This is no longer a temporary problem
The problem will linger forever
I am worthless
No sense of value
No conscience to save me
No heart to love
No soul to lose
No mind to stop me
Death
There is no understanding
But there is no longer anything to understand
All feeling gone
An empty heart
No will to live
No strength to die
Death
Unworthy of love
No one would want me
Needing someone
But unable to find
Have tried too long
Will no longer try
A useless task
Will always be hurt
Death
I am a problem
To all around me
No longer know
Right from wrong
All hard work is for
Nothing
Feelings kept inside
Waiting to burst
Feeling the wire
Snap within me
Death
Haunted at night
Needing Peace
Peace forever
Needing to leave the hurt and the
Pain
Death
Torn inside by emotions of past and present
A pain so deep it aches
I have lost
Everything
Have tried to hold on but
Lost
Yearned for him but he has
Forgotten me
Forever
If he ever remembered
Before
Lost all innocence
Fallen from Grace
Death

By: Cathy Wos