"Playing doesn't = Barbies and Toy Cars

“Go see what he wants for lunch tomorrow” that’s what I remember grandma saying

He would tell me and ask me to come back upstairs, “Grandma won’t mind if I play with you for a little, you are my girlfriends’ niece after all”

I run down the stairs like a good little 5 year old girl and tell Grandma that I’m playing with uncle Fabian for awhile,

“Okay have fun, I’m taking a nap”, she responds

So I run back up stairs and I wonder if he knew she would go to sleep and he would be safe…

Now that I think about it, he wasn’t lying when he said he wanted to play with me but I thought Barbie’s and toy cars not rape.

Everyday Monday through Friday after school for a year and half we “played” while Grandma napped.

No one knew because the punishment would be worse then “playing”.

He called it a magic trick as he finished on my stomach.

Tears falling down my cheeks as I tell this to you,

Can you understand the pain when you didn’t even notice when I said Grandmas’ wasn’t fun anymore?

No you will never understand, yet you turn off the TV when I walk in the room, for you think it hurts for me to watch “To Catch A Predator”

Well it doesn’t for I went through it and those girls didn’t.

They are the lucky ones not me.

You say I’m lucky because it could have been much worse, he could have killed me, or if I was older got me pregnant.

Yes I’m oh so lucky because I was only fucking 5 years old, oh so lucky to be growing up and learning oh so soon that life can be unfair to the young and innocent.

I was 5 and learned the hard way, yet you say I’m lucky.

Was I lucky when I was 17 and it happened again because I told “my close friend” no and he wouldn’t take no for an answer?

No I wasn’t lucky for I may still be alive but part of me has died inside, my trust!

In you and in everyone!

By: Keirsten D.