Realization

Realization


Crimson drops of blood fall off my arm

I wonder why I caused myself harm

A blade I used to cut real deep

Into my skin, allowing the blood to seep

Anger and depression caught up inside

Trying to ignore care and give off lies

Hatred caught up within

Making my thoughts and my head spin

Crying and cutting after disses from peers

It's mostly the guys, they cause me tears

Afraid to let anyone know

The pain I've held, the pain I've let grow

If I tell them about why I have cuts

They'll send me to the looney bin and proclaim that I'm nuts

I wanna end this supposed "life" I have

But I don't have the guts to hurt myself real bad

Some people would say that cutting hurts

But no it really doesn't, even if my tears burst

My friends -- they really don't care

They don't understand that my life isn't fair

They don't understand what, where, when, why and how

They don't understand that I wanna kill myself NOW!!!

As I slice my arm, twice, yet three times again

I slowly think of my suicidal plan

Blood drenches my arm

Tears stain my garmets

And I'm hoping tonight is the last of my life

Cause I'm sick and tired of using this knife

Maybe I'd stop.. If I wasn't already in too far

Maybe I'd stop if people hadn't crossed the bar

Maybe I'd stop if people had showed they cared

Maybe I'd stop if I didn't feel snared

But it's almost over.. All this pain and this hurt

See, this wouldn't have happened if I didn't get treated like dirt

If happiness had been an asset of my life

Believe me, dear god, I'd not be using this knife!

I resort to the company of my silver blade

Whenever I feel like I'm about to raid

And a few days ago I'd almost believed I could stop

But my heart and my soul told me I just could not

And here I am thinking of my suicidal plan

Maybe possibly jumping infront of a moving van

But then again, my silver, sharp friend

You've been with me until the start, why not the end?

So I hold you up, up to my throat

But then I think of what one of my peer's had wrote

"Help was always there

People would always care

But help cannot come

Unless you realize what you've done"

This made me wonder what life would be like

If I let myself live for just one more night..

So I pause with the blade held tightly to my neck

And then I realize, I can stop this wreck

See I wouldn't have realized this without a true friend

A true friend I'll cherish until the very end.


By: Angel